Frazzled Forever?

I used to think that being frazzled was a temporary condition that could easily be remedied with a bit of extra time. A few less things on the plate and sanity would be restored. Not just sanity, but peace and calmness. With that idea in mind, I anxiously looked forward to the summer when school would be done, and I would finally have the one thing I needed most: TIME. Full days to do whatever needed to be done. Taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, doing laundry, going shopping, making Martha Stewart-like meals, and of course, packing for a quickly-approaching move.

So why then, am I still frazzled? Why am I short with the kids as we're getting ready to spend a lovely morning at the park and splash pad? Shouldn't I be relaxed? I have more time, but don't feel like I'm getting anything accomplished. I'm off work, but still feel stressed out. I think a big part of my problem is my penchant for procrastination. I complain about not getting enough packed, but then take a nap when my kids do. Or read a book.

So, by definition, I am both lazy and frazzled. The antidote to being frazzled is having more time. Yet, given more time, I squander it. Thus, I am resigned to being frazzled forever.

Or, I could blame it all on the move. The packing. The upheaval. The absolute chaos. Yes, that must be it! Once we are in the new house, I will experience the serenity I've been seeking. Except, then I'll need to unpack. And I'll still have to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. By the time I've settled in, by the time I'm ready to embrace my long-awaited sense of peace, it will be time to go back to work...

So, that leaves me back to being frazzled forever.

Good-bye Nursery

In a very short span of time, we will be moving from our quite small house into a much bigger house. Obviously, I am excited about the move, the new house, the giant kitchen, etc. However, there is one room in the house that I'm not ready to leave behind. My babies' nursery. I had that room planned in my mind before I even met my husband. It is filled with my dreams. 

Jacob is too big for the crib and will have a bed in the new house. He won't be in a nursery at all. It will be a boy's bedroom. And just like that, I won't have any babies at all. At least now I can call Jacob my baby. I can hoist him up on the change table and re-live the hundred of diapers I've changed up there. I can lower him into his crib and see the tiny boy he once was. When I sit in the rocking chair and read him a story, I am reminded of the hours I sat there nursing both my babies to sleep. Those walls hold so many memories.

It's hard to let that room go. It's my favourite place in the house. Every other room in the new house will be an improvement. But there won't be a nursery at all. And that breaks my heart.